A Javenese Wedding Reception

waiting area allowing only a limited number to go inside at one time

You never know what a day in Bandung will bring. Friday as Ronnie was out with our driver Dadang, he texted me that Dadang had invited us to his nephew’s wedding reception on Sunday. My initial reaction was “why not?” and so Ronnie accepted his kind invitation. My second and third thoughts, however, were more akin to panic. We’ve been here long enough to know that it’s very easy to get put into an embarrassing situation. We stand out like “a piece of divinity in a bowl of caramels” as Ronnie so aptly put it. We are used to being stared at, though most people when you see them staring and offer a smile, will smile back. They just can’t help themselves because they see so few Caucasians. Other expats have told us they experience the same thing, and it’s a relief to know that it's not just because we’re funny looking!

But back to the invitation. I haven’t forgotten what happened just a few weeks ago when I visited the International Women’s Club in hopes of meeting some other expats. Not only did that not happen, I ended up despite my firm objections standing in front of a group of complete strangers, speaking and singing into a microphone! So I began to envision ourselves at a wedding, with the Indonesians insisting that we sing or dance and not taking no for an answer!

wedding couple with parents

guests moving through the receiving line

In addition to worrying about what social pressures we might encounter, it also seemed weird being invited to a wedding reception without even knowing (much less being invited by) the bride or the groom. The only person we would know was our driver who we’ve known for all of a week. But I talked to my friend Marcia and she assured me that it was not that unusual and that we should go. I reminded myself that Ronnie is in Indonesia, not only to work at ITB but also to serve as a cultural ambassador and build relationships with the people here. So with much trepidation, I let our response stand. At the same time I was stressing over the decision, Dadang was getting very excited because he was going to get to sing for us! As we suspected, he has no driving experience; he is a band singer and has been anxious for us to get to hear him sing, besides what singing he does in the car.

guests enter the reception area, a few at a time

buffet table

So I googled “traditional Javanese wedding” in order to get some idea of the protocol. Having an idea of what to expect proved to be very helpful. After arriving with Dadang and signing the wedding book, we received our wedding favor (a fan, which would soon come in very handy!) Then we dropped our envelope into a wooden box (Indonesians expect cash, not household gifts) and entered the reception area where the bride and groom along with their parents were positioned on a slightly elevated stage. They were elegantly attired, as were many of their guests. Actually, the women were elegantly attired; the men wore short sleeve batik shirts. We were introduced to Dadang’s siblings (all 8 of them!) along with his Mother. Only one of his brothers speaks English, but all were welcoming and gracious. We were then lead to the stage area where we did the customary two-handed greeting with slight bow (which I was unfamiliar with and did wrong) with the couple and each set of parents.

dessert "pudding" on buffet table

Dadang singing duet with another family member

After all the greetings were finished, we were lead to the buffet line and told to try some of everything. Everything consisted of sticky rice, a spicy beef dish, “faux” chicken, fish nuggets, a thin watery soup which was ladled onto the plate with everything else, veggies, melon, ice cream and a gelatin-like dish that the Indonesians call “pudding”. Water in small plastic cups with straws (room temperature) was served to drink. There was no wedding cake anywhere in sight.

So as not to offend, we did try to take small portions of everything (a smart idea anyway!) and balanced our plates in our laps while Dadang sang and made dedications – no, not to the bride and groom but to Ms. Jan and Mr. Rooney (that’s how he pronounces Ronnie’s name - be sure and roll the "R"). He must have dedicated at least 4 or 5 songs to us, interspersed with attempts to get us onto the dance floor. Of course no one else was dancing so we declined, but I was just thankful he wasn’t trying to get us up on the stage!! The room was extremely hot and like everyone else, I was sweating profusely.

After spending what we felt was a respectable length of time, we sent the message to Dadang that we needed to leave because Ronnie had work to do (which was true). At that point, we were escorted back up onto the stage again for the two-handed greetings and bowing a second time. We decided to have our picture taken with the bride and groom, like most of the other guests were doing. Don't you know they must have been wondering just who the heck we were? At the end of the day, we were happy about our decision to attend, while at the same time being extremely thankful that we hadn’t made any huge social faux pas – or at least none that we were aware of!

who woulda thunk it??