Another wedding?!

Yes, we attended another wedding last night. The bride was the daughter of a colleague in the Informatics Department at ITB. Unlike in the US where you actually have to know one or both of the wedding couple, here it seems that invitations are issued liberally to just about anyone and everyone! We are told that the families are greatly honored when the invitees show up and offended when they do not. Since Ronnie works with the bride’s mother, we decided it best to go.

floral display lines driveway outside Rhily and Rifandy's reception facility

Unlike the traditional Javanese wedding we attended a couple of weeks ago (our driver’s nephew) which was nice but relatively modest, this one was in the traditional West Sumatra style and was over-the-top elaborate. No costs were spared. 

even the car is decorated with fresh flowers

getaway car

two hallways to get to reception area

Ronnie signing guest book

I will let the photos tell the story about the reception, though due to the elaborate lighting set up which was constantly changing, they really don’t do the scene justice. In addition to explaining what takes place at a wedding reception, I will share some observations about Indonesian weddings and compare them to typical US ones. I will also point out some areas where I think the Indonesians may have it right, especially from a male perspective.

dancers perform after wedding couple is seated

wedding musicians

From what I’ve been able to learn, Indonesian weddings seem to be fairly “formulaic” so guests pretty much know what to expect. This is unlike American weddings where each shares some common elements but can be carried out quite differently. While American weddings tend to reflect the individuality of the couple (which in my mind makes them memorable) they also can lack elements which might make them more enjoyable to their guests.

entrance to reception hall

couples parents seated for entertainment before greeting guests

For starters, when one receives a wedding invitation here, they aren’t really expected to attend the wedding itself, as these things can be pretty much all day affairs. The actual marriage ceremony is typically in the morning and is attended only by the couples families and very close friends. So although you receive an invitation to the wedding, the reception is really all you are expected to attend.

Ronnie greets Rhily and Rifandy

Upon entering the venue where the reception is being held, guests are expected to sign the guest book, pick up their wedding “souvenir” and deposit their card (containing cash) into a decorative box. Yes, money is expected and there are even some “guidelines” as to how much one is expected to give. There are no bridal registries here nor will you see tables set up to hold gifts for the newlyweds. No, Indonesian newlyweds prefer to do their own shopping.

If you are on time or a little early, you will be able to see the “processional” where the newly married couple, accompanied by their respective parents and attendants enter the reception hall. (Due to rain and heavy traffic, we missed this part but we were told it was a sight to see.)  As soon as the wedding couple and parents are situated on the stage, traditional songs and dances are performed by costumed dancers. When the dances end, guests are ushered through the receiving line which consists of the wedding couple and each set of parents on opposite sides. 

couple greets Dwi, Ronnie's teaching associate

Unlike in the US where reception lines can take forever with people hugging, chatting and visiting, guests here file through with only smiles and gracious two-handed gesturing. As you might guess, the line moves very quickly!

Guests then move immediately to the buffet, which at this particular wedding consisted of a number of tables set up with a variety of traditional foods. Alcoholic beverages are never served at Muslim weddings – only water. Since Ronnie and I have both been battling stomach issues, we took it easy on the meal but we did try out the chocolate fountain. Still hungry when we left, we asked our driver to stop by Dunkin Donuts to help balance out our meal before heading back to the apartment. 

But the point is, as soon as guests finish eating, they are free to go. There are no wedding cakes, so that eliminates the need to hang for sometimes hours, waiting on cakes to be cut, bouquets to be tossed or garters to be flung.

one of the tables in bridal party area

Apparently it is not uncommon for people here to receive invitations to 3-4 weddings on the same day! That could actually be “doable” given the way things are kept moving along. In the States, hungry wedding guests are typically kept waiting an hour or more while dozens of photos are taken of the wedding party and their respective families. Only after this task is completed will the bride and groom join their guests and food can begin being served. Actually, some couples have started offering hors d'oeuvres and drinks if their guests have to wait a very long time, which is always appreciated, especially if it is past the mealtime.

one of two dessert tables

self serve dessert buffet

So while Indonesian weddings can be quite elaborate affairs, they still do not require big time chunks out of the guests day to attend. And last but certainly not least, male guests are expected to wear traditional batik shirts – no coats or ties. The bottom line - a lot of the standard objections that men (in particular) have about attending weddings are eliminated by the way weddings are carried out in this country. 

If you've made it this far, here are a couple of short videos - both made with Ronnie's phone. They are not great quality, but do provide a sound bite of this Sumatra style reception. Between the dances, Ronnie pans to the right - note how quickly the receiving line is moving. The crowd prevents you from seeing a different set of dancers in the second clip.